I have had a rubbishy week this last week. Too much stress, Leo is finally teething and Toby is home because of the school holidays, and Ben has my car so I don't really have anywhere to go.
Intuitive eating wise things are going ok. I can't remember the last time I binged (she says, clearly tempting fate!), I haven't really been bothered by food this last week, it's all been quite boring. I'm not sure this is a good thing, but I just can't find the motivation to find something I really want to eat, and when I do find the motivation, nothing comes. I feel like I could live off air quite happily! I think I am finally getting to grips with this hungry signal though. I'm not sure about it as it is insanely subtle, though I guess it will get stronger the more I wait for it. I don't really feel anything, except my mouth feels empty and my stomach feels light. Food definitely tastes more "vibrant" when I get this.
I have been re-reading my "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating" book by Geneen Roth again, and underlining the things that stand out for me and making notes at the back. I did the same with my Beyond Chocolate book as well. It's handy to just be able to look at the back and find the exact page I need for how I am feeling. I think underlining/highlighting parts also makes me read the book more closely and I get more out of it. It's such a fantastic book, especially the chapters on judgement.
The only other thing this week is clothes sizes. I went to buy some trousers and I needed a size 20. I found it so upsetting I couldn't buy the trousers, just left the store and drove home trying not to cry. It symbolises so much for me, both bad and good but I wasn't strong enough to face up to it all on Friday. Thank heavens for the girls on the Beyond Chocolate forum coming to my rescue. I now feel like I can go and buy the trousers, cut out and burn the label and get on with my life!
I think I am having a very introspective week. I feel like I want to push the whole world away and just concentrate on myself. That sounds a little selfish but I am coming to learn that the need for isolation and self-care is an extremely important one, even if it is not valued in the slightest in this culture. I have been losing myself in my Sims2 game - it's nice to be able to switch off sometimes :O)
Monday, 6 August 2007
Chilling out
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Geneen Roth is excellent! I hope you buy the trouser chuck:)
I think sometimes you do have to have times when you just focus on you. It's not selfish really as a happier you has benefits for other people as well. And even if it is selfish - don't you have the right to be occasionally?
I think I need to do the underlining thing with the BC book. I have this thing about not writing in books and not turning the corners of pages down etc so it always sort of goes against the grain. But as it's a tool, I guess it's ok - and I do actually have a second copy which I can always keep 'clean'!
Kerry xx
I'm glad you have taken some time for yourself this week Nicola (although I missed you very much and sent out an SOS message!!). And I agree with what you were told on the BC forum regarding the label on your trousers. That's the bit I struggle with as well "own your body". I am obsessed about clothes labels and yet sizes vary from shop to shop, so maybe those trousers in another shop would have been an 18! It's wrong that they can get away with this!!
Really missed you this week but glad you are okay and having some very precious "me" time.
Re your book - I'm like Kerry but I agree that your idea is fab. I can't even bend the spines back on my books and sometimes read them ackwardly because I can't bend them back!! Silly isn't it?! If it doesn't give me palpitations, maybe I will get my pen out too!!!! And also like Kerry, I have a second copy of BC which is in ultimate pristine condition. LOL.
Hehe, I bought a copy of BC for my mum and I was jealous that hers was in pristine condition, but then I figured that mine just reflected how much I had used it and how much it had helped me.
What a shame I can't transfer this sort of thinking to my body!
OMG!! You lot are bonkers!! I'm a librarian and even I can turn page corners down (not on library books obviously!!!). Only kidding girls.
Nic, everyone SHOULD need some time alone now and again. I remember when my kids were small, how 'used up' I often felt. I AM a narky old cow who doesn't like people much actually, but even so, I think I was sometimes justified in wanting 'to be alone'. I'm an only child (my sibs were all grown by the time I came along) so I grew up unused to being with people ALL the time. Babies and little children are so demanding, physically, emotionally, intellectually, every way! I remember once saying to my hubby that I wanted him to ask before he touched me, as I hated that EVERYONE seemed to be able to maul me at will, without even a by your leave!! How horrid is that of me?! I enjoy being alone, and I think it's good if you can. Needing to be with other people all the time is not healthy. Don't feel bad about your 'me' time. You are as entitled to it as everybody else, it's not selfish, it's essential!! You won't be doing your sons any favours if you let them grow up thinking mums are only there for other people's benefits! I'm sure you won't let that happen. Your future daughters-in-law will thank you for that!
Ax
i hope u have got the time to yourself that you need we all need a plunge into oblivion at times its not at all selfish.
Janey is so right about the trousers i work in a clothes store and you wouldnt believe the variation in sizes we get through.
not long to the chocolat fairy interview are you as nervous as me? was thinking of posting on the bc forum for some advice
hope you have had a better week :)
Post a Comment