Size 20 Jeans

I haven't been around much recently but I think the last time I was worrying about buying size 20 jeans.

Well, I went and did it and although I walked out of the shop feeling a litle I can say today that I feel I am so comfortable, the jeans are a little loose and I do need a belt, but my 18s were always digging in to my tummy, making me feel slightly full even when I hadn't eaten all day!

I haven't burned the label, in fact I starting to actually like it. Wearing my "fat jeans" has become my fingers up to the dieting industry.

And as for my mum (I couldn't bare to tell her I'm a size 20 when she thinks I'm a 14/16) she commented that I look like I had lost weight, even though I hadn't (and still haven't) told her what size my jeans are. I don't know whether I have lost weight or not, although I must admit that last week when I tried on the jeans I was dying to get on the scales to see where my weight is now.

But what does that figure tell me? Not that I am worth more or less, simply that I am learning to look after myself, after years of punishing myself with food.