A Successful Day

It seems keeping a blog is helping me to keep focused a little bit. Today I waited until 5.30pm before eating anything, as I just don't seem to have any real hunger signals at the moment. I sat myself down and had a mini feast. It was originally going to be just a bag of crisps, but I went off those quite quickly so I probably only had about 8 crisps, then a square of chocolate but that wasn't hitting the spot either, so I had a Toffipop biscuit and then a blue WKD. My hunger scale seemed unaffected by this.
I was still hungry when I dished up chili con carne at 8.30pm, but I only dished myself up a small portion, and I had about half a slice of chocolate cheesecake before I decided what I really wanted was a ham and cheese sandwich with some soup. I've just finished that now and I feel like I am at about hunger level 5.
My stomach feels peaceful, if that even makes sense. It feels calm as it isn't stuffed with food. I still feel a little anxious, like I want to eat, but it isn't hunger. I think it's a mix of boredom and feeling a little lonely, but I'm learning to just sit with this feeling and it's not the end of the world. It is uncomfortable, and I can't seem to figure out how to alleviate it, but I'm not feeding it anymore.

I think I am going to stop eating for today now, as we are going out for lunch tomorrow and I want to be hungry for it as it is a fabulous restaurant. They use local ingredients and it's all freshly cooked, not microwaved like so many restaurants seem to be opting for these days.

I'm looking forward to seeing my family tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to the week ahead as well. I had a good time exploring the town on Thursday, and I love sitting in my garden and pottering around the house and I truly feel like I am beginning to bless my family by taking care of them and the house properly.

Now I just need to figure out how to pull myself out of this awful depression. I am so sick of one part of me being so immensely happy but it being horribly overshadowed by a black cloud feeling of deep sadness that won't shift. I remember seeing a Happy Mums plan on netmums so I think I'll check that out again.