Merry Christmas

I have had a wonderful Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve as we had just finished the last minute jobs and crawled into bed at 1am I was dreading it. I didn't want to get up early, I didn't want to see any family, I just wanted to hide away and sleep through everything. Thankfully the feeling shifted about an hour after waking up.
Both boys loved opening their presents. Even Leo who is only 14 months old got stuck in tearing the paper. His favourite thing was a pair of maracas, and Toby's favourite thing was Leo's wooden trike :OD Typical! They've had a lovely time and are enjoying all of their presents.
I got those lovely boots after all. I even managed to get the left one to do up completely yesterday :OD It won't be long before they fit, and they are the most comfortable boots I have ever worn!
Among other things, I got "Feeding The Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth and "The Craggy Hole in My Heart" but that one didn't arrive on time. I also got my very own domain name! So in a few days, this blog will be at http://www.neverhungryalwayshungry.co.uk !!
I got a box of chocolates from Hotel Chocolat and so far I've eaten one. I'm not hungry at all. I ate a little too much at Christmas dinner and I've eaten a little at each meal since but not much. I also haven't felt anxious that other people are eating all the good chocolates and leaving me with the rubbish ones. Most of the Quality Street and Cadbury's Heroes have gone now, but I don't mind. I'll just pick some up next time I go shopping. I am still always very pleased when I realise just how free I am now.
We're just going to have a quiet couple of days now - relaxing with eachother, playing with new toys and games and not having to stress about anything. I'm really looking forward to New Year's Eve. Every year since 2004 I've done a yearly recap of how each year has been and even though this year has been overshadowed with negative things, I am feeling very positive about what 2008 holds for me. By this time next year, I expect I'll be slimmer, plus I'll be three quarters of the way through my Chocolate Fairy course, I'll have completed my first OU course. I'm also excited about forming a new identity for myself. I've realised that I'm living beyond my years too much and I would like to change that. I want to take more pride in my appearance now that I can see that being fat doesn't mean there is no point to bother with the rest of how I look. I'm also now able to see that I need to put my needs higher than I do. Being a mother, particularly a young mother with a point to prove, doesn't mean I have to be some kind of beaten down martyr. Looking after myself means I'll feel more positive about life in general and passing that onto the rest of my family can only be a good thing.

It's been a while since I've felt such positive anticipation. Roll on 2008!