Feeling better now

I think I was more tired than I realised yesterday. Thankfully I had the support of the girls on the Beyond Chocolate forum to come to my rescue and point out what I was too fretful to see. I've slept and rested a lot of the day today, I had a bath about an hour ago and I'm feeling much better now.

My books from Amazon arrived - one box yesterday and one box today so I now have six books to keep me busy and a copy of Beyond Chocolate to pass on to my mum. I've read about a third of "When You Eat At The Refrigerator..." and I'm about a third into "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating" as well. They are both Geneen Roth books. The "When You Eat.." one is great. It's set out into fifty small sections of ways to help you get feeling better when you are being down on yourself. "Breaking Free..." is similar to Beyond Chocolate but a little wordier and obviously more American. It has a few new suggestions in it which I am glad I have been able to add to my "tool-belt" but I'm definitely a Beyond Chocolate girl :oD

One thing I have noticed over the last couple of days is how much it affects me when someone is too busy to give me support. I also depend on people to notice when I am down, rather than just telling them. I suppose I always think that if someone loves me they should be aware of me to notice that I am down. I am gradually getting more and more used to asking for help. It does seem easier to ask for help from people that I don't know well than from people that I do.

I had a bit of an odd meal today. First a bowl of organic carrot batons, boiled and then with a teaspoon of butter stirred in. This was absolutely delicious. It had a kind of nutty flavour to it as well. I'm not sure if that was because I was actually paying attention or whether it was because they were organic but they were brilliant. I then had three squares of chocolate (served myself four but felt indifferent about the last square so I put it back in the cupboard) and lastly a slice of bread with paté on it followed by one grape. I felt satisfied but not full and felt OK to stop eating.

I think I need to be kinder to myself when I am having a hard time. I think I was overanalysing and thinking that if I started binging last night then I never would have stopped. Now I'm feeling better about things, I can see that it was ok to want chocolate last night, and I can have chocolate when I actually want to sleep, but that a sleep will do me better. It's ok for me to have both, and it's ok for me to choose just one of them.

Gosh this is never what I had imagined when I first heard of BC. I am so glad that everything is coming out now though. I have repressed so many feelings, it (eventually) feels good once it is all out!