Rambling

Today has been pretty odd. I have felt like picking all day long, and have been doing that occasionally throughout the day. In the last week or so I have been able to take it or leave it. I think it's stemming over from last night to be honest, I guess rejection is another thing I've been afraid of.
Of course, my husband didn't reject me, just the dinner I had cooked but if there is one thing I have learned since starting my blog it's that there is often more to an emotion that meets the eye. I guess nobody takes rejection well, but I know it's something that has always stood out for me. I'm not really very good at just picking myself up, dusting myself down and starting again. I tend to see rejection as a rejection of my whole self rather than just one aspect, and then start believing that I must be worthless.
I have tried to use this occasion to be my own guru, but it's just not coming. It's like I know the truth but I'm struggling to believe it if that makes sense. Still, must not berate myself, must not berate myself, must not... Why is it so hard to follow your own advice?

It's tipping it down with rain here and there is little more frustrating than being stuck inside with a bored three year old boy, so I've decided to give in to his insistance to have his new umbrella up inside the house, laid out a blanket and put on a mini picnic for him and my little 9 month old. Nothing fancy, just a few cubes of ham and cheese, some sticks of cucumber and halved strawberries, grapes and bananas. It's kept them busy for 45 minutes so far but I suspect the novelty will wear off shortly.

I'm still struggling with my postnatal depression getting in the way of "just getting on with things". I'm just frustrated with it all now. I just want to get on and be mum instead of feeling like crawling under my duvet all the time.

Ben should be home soon, perhaps I will crawl into bed then.

Zzzzz.