Treating Myself

Finding ways to treat myself without food being the focus is coming quite easily to me, which I found really surprising. I've just had a bit of a shopping spree with Amazon and have bought the following:
Breaking Free from Emotional Eating
Body Confidence: Loving Your Body Is Only a Thought Away
When You Eat at the Refrigerator
Fat, So?
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Beyond Chocolate: How to Stop Yo-yo Dieting and Lose Weight for Good (for my mum)
The Diet Survivor's Handbook: 60 Lessons in Eating, Acceptance and Self-care

I'm so excited to receive them! Also I've got fresh flowers in my living room from my best friend and in my kitchen from my husband.

I've also had an email to say the Good Food Show tickets are on sale so after I've checked with my husband I'll hopefully get to buy some tickets to see Gordon Ramsey.

I still treat myself with a biscuit or a square of chocolate sometimes, but I think food does have it's place in this way once you are calmer about having legalised them. For me now, eating a biscuit is no different to eating an apple and I treat myself with a bowl of strawberries and grapes just as often.

It sounds awful but I'm waiting for it all to go wrong as it all seems to have come together for me over the last two weeks or so. I don't feel deprived when I'm waiting to be hungry, I'm much less bothered by "bad" foods, I'm getting better at eating for body hunger instead of tastebud hunger and I have almost shaken myself free of the all-or-nothing approach to food. I just feel calm, relaxed and released.

To think that a month ago I was doing the BC Diet, trying to follow all the principles all the time and berating myself if I didn't follow it to the letter is almost slipping from my memory.

Hopefully now this peace will stay and I will be able to move onto the body image and self-support side of Beyond Chocolate. I am still quite disappointed by my body and I really struggle to ask for help, but I feel excited by the fact that I know it will come with time.

I had my feedback from Sophie on the first week's worksheet. It was quite complimentary and I could feel myself grinning and blushing as I read it. One thing she pointed out was that I said I felt purposeless and I hate my attraction to the superficial and material. Then she asked me what would give me a purpose, what would I do if there were no restrictions and for a second I was dreaming of the life-long holiday image of running off to start again in a foreign country. Then bringing myself back down to earth, I know what it is. I can think of no better purpose for me to be working with women the way Sophie does.

It was when I joined LighterLife that I first realised the perfect job for me would be in helping women to overcome their issues with food. Unfortunately at the time I couldn't afford the £12K it cost to become a LighterLife counsellor, though with hindsight I can see that is a fortunate thing. A few weeks ago, I was emailed an announcement to say that Chocolate Fairy training applications are being taken. I am nervous, and my initial reaction seemed to come from my chatterbox, the negative LittleMy-like creature telling me not to even bother applying. What would be the point? I wouldn't get the job. I don't have any official qualifications apart from GCSEs and a Childminding Practise certificate. I haven't worked as a counsellor or anything like that.

Somehow I managed to open up to my husband and tell him about this. He pointed out that my life hasn't been on hold over the last 3.5 years. I have so many skills that I have learned through becoming a mother to our two children, supporting our family and working on our computer repair and sales business together with my husband. I have also supported my mother through a traumatic time. I have learned to connect with people regardless of age and background. And I learn from reading a lot of books. And most importantly I want it, I want to help people overcome the dieting rat race, more than anything.

So later this week, I will be treating myself to the chance to be a Chocolate Fairy :O)