Stepping forwards again

I started my e-course today, and must admit I was initially disappointed to see that the first worksheet was something that was already in the book. However, when I actually sat down and did the worksheet, I was most surprised to discover that there was far more clarity in actually doing the exercise than I thought there would be.
I now see that the hate that I have for my larger size is probably linked to my desire to be dependent on someone (which I think is mostly reflected in eating a lot when I am lonely), but this conflicts with my desire to be independent as well, and that it is definitely linked to my feeling unfulfilled but not knowing how to fulfill myself, or believing that I don't have what it takes. Now I just feel sad for everyone who either hasn't found an intuitive eating path or doesn't believe it will work.

I seem to be stuck in a bit of a slump with my postnatal depression as well, but my husband is being truly wonderful and has sent me up to the bedroom with the laptop and some peace and quiet and I think I will be zonked out before 8pm tonight as I am so tired.